I figured something out

I like being in the pit NOW because I hear the kids singing and see them dancing around me and I know that they wouldn't have as good an experience if I wasn't there. Then the people clap and cheer and I know part of that is for me. I'm happy because they are happy and I'm using my talents to bless others! In the before-mentioned experiences my talents hardly did much because of the poor equipment quality; so I couldn't share my full potential and wasn't nearly as happy.

In band, my professor got me to be in it and commit to going on a trip with them by expressing that he really wanted to use my talent. When he changed things around so I hardly got to do anything maybe you can imagine how I felt. I thought he wanted me and my talent there and then gives me almost nothing to do. How can I bless others by just sitting there? Which is why now I'm going on a different trip where I can appreciate other people's talents that bless my own life. Lucky for everyone the two trips are only an hour and a half away from each other.

Then, in my own piano studies, sure I have fun, but there's always times when I don't want to practice anymore. Well, I figure it's probably because playing Bach over and over again doesn't help anyone else. It just doesn't have the same draw. I study piano because I want to be in ensembles, I want to accompany people, I want to be in (surprise) pit orchestras. Well okay, I do have dreams of playing piano in lobbies or over dinners, that's solo stuff. But still. I can accept that the things I learn as a solo pianist I can apply to being an ensemble pianist. Although the super-nit-picky Bach stuff maybe not so much...

I've always known that when I don't feel appreciated I don't feel happy. What I figured out is that that fact explains a lot of my feelings from the past few weeks. It's nice for me to be able to sit and play and know that I'm helping others do great things, like senior recitals or high school musicals, or concerts, or auditions. In concerts though, it helps if I have a significant part (sorry, 1 out of 8 pieces doesn't provide for the happy to outweigh the not so happy, especially when I was expecting more). Does that make me prideful? I don't know, but when I'm using my talents to bless others, it's a wonderful feeling!