Yet another rant, #sorrynotsorry

I guess Sunday is my least favorite day again. I really don’t enjoy weekends much. I go to work M-F where I am treated like a goddess.  When I am at home (well, my parents’ home), I feel judged all the time since I can’t keep up with their housekeeping standards which by the way are based on a 2-parent system and the mom doesn’t work full time with additional side gigs. So that hurts. On Sundays we go to church purely to appease my parents. I do appreciate how my dad will come in and help get my children ready, but on weeks he doesn’t I just get upset having to do everything. Getting up before 9am seven days a week is NOT my jam! And having to get 2 other people ready against all 3 of our wills is as rough as it sounds. I don’t have a calling, no one really says hi to me, I can’t participate since I don’t read the lesson materials on my own time. One of the reasons I quit wanting to go was the day when my own mother in law didn’t save me a seat and wouldn’t sit by me. Today I saved my dad a seat and he never came in to the class. It hurts about the same. The lesson ended up in a place about how a tree grows up strong in a windy environment and it became clear how not strong I am. One guy shared about his tomato plants, the one in a sheltered hanging basket only yielded 8-10 tomatoes and the one in the raised bed in the garden yielded 30-40 tomatoes. There was an intense video illustrating the winds and things that get thrown at us. I am the tomato plant in the hanging basket. I tried to be strong but my “other half” did not so I feel like since my marriage failed my soul has been ripped in half or something, and the battered pieces of me that are left have been kicked and smacked and torn up that I literally can’t produce fruit and basically I feel like my soul is a pile of mush. The point was that if you repent of your sins then Jesus will help you back up but that doesn’t matter right now. It wasn’t my sins that got me into this situation. People still need a support system and I’m not getting one from church. I came home crying and went straight to bed and stayed there bawling for 6 hours. And then whenever something like this happens I have to wonder about the quote that the wicked taketh the truth to be hard, so am I really that wicked? No, I’m not. But if going to church makes me feel like I am, you understand why I don’t want to go? Why I didn’t renew my temple recommend this year? Why I just want to be at Teleperformance all day every day working? It’s also funny that at church people get assigned to check up on you and still no one does. So thank you to anyone that actually does talk to me, message me, make me feel valued, loved, and important, I really appreciate it.

Being a mom in the middle class

I try to be open minded, I try to see both sides of the issue. What's most concerning to me is my own side of course. WARNING: This post gets VERY personal. And quite rant-filled. Do I complain a lot? I feel like maybe I complain a lot... but I don't try to...

Let me begin. Yes, I've had a child before. I found out in May 2012 and then the next day my husband got a job. I put off seeing a doctor as long as I could, because what are they going to say? You're pregnant. I know. You're [this far] along. I know that too. Your due date will be [date]. Yeah I figured that out, thanks, anything else? Uhhhhhhhhh. And then I'd have to pay them. By the time people convinced me to go, of course my husband didn't have insurance yet and without the ACA, I believe I wouldn't have been able to get it because of something something "pre-existing condition" something something. (I don't understand insurance very well even to this day). I was not yet 26 so I was in fact still covered by my parents' insurance, also something made possible by the ACA. I don't remember at what point we switched over to our own insurance but either way without the ACA I am pretty sure I would not have been covered. Paying all the bills after delivery was very shocking and nearly made me broke. I mean, $50 for the inflatable pillow to make sitting more comfortable afterwards. $1 each for the pills they gave and a $2 fee for the nurse to hand it to me! The epidural had it's own separate bill all by itself, but I guess insurance on those is all right because I only had to pay $78 for that. I didn't save any of the bills themselves so I don't remember any other specific costs but I don't like having to pay that much money ever, the total it came out to. Note: without insurance, I most certainly WOULD have gone completely broke. For having a child.

Without provisions made possible by the ACA, What could I have done? At the time, newly married, barely employed, part time and with no benefits at the jobs I had (yes I had, like, 3), just graduated college, never lived on my own or been responsible for all of my own bills before... What would it have been like? Again I have literally NO idea how insurance even works. But I think I know enough to know that I wouldn't have had any. So how would I have paid a doctor? I wouldn't have been able to. What about a midwife? Most I had heard of also cost a few thousand dollars that I didn't have. And anyway, if you have a midwife and there's any complication they have to still take you to the hospital anyway so more thousands of dollars there. Try to give birth in my bathtub? I tell you the thought crossed my mind many times and I watched hundreds of YouTube videos about it. But then what would I do? Would still have to go to a hospital at some point. And I know enough to know that emergency services cost WAY more than regular services. So I went with a doctor! In this country I just don't feel any other way can work financially! And thanks to the ACA, I think, we did it! Without filing bankruptcy or anything like that! For having a child!

For the kid, I tried to look into Medicaid. I attempted filling out forms and stuff probably 3 times and it was impossible so I gave up. Someone made me go to WIC and thankfully I was able to get assistance there. I won't go into this one but it was terrible.

Fast forward almost 5 years. I'm pregnant again. Found out in January. If not for ACA mandating maternity care be provided, I wouldn't have known in Nov or Dec or whenever deadlines happen for enrollment that I would need it this year. I know plenty of other people in the same boat. But does that make me financially irresponsible? If I had the choice between a cheaper plan and a more expensive one I generally go for cheap. Because budgeting, people! I and my husband both have full time jobs and to be honest here we don't make more than we spend. It sucks. I hate it. I'm trying to save money everywhere. But we have house payments, HOA fees, 2 car payments, taxes to pay (sometimes I really hate you, uncle Sam), other loans we're trying to pay off. Retirement plans. Car and life insurance. Utilities. I think his wage is more than mine but since the health insurance comes out of his check it looks about half of what I get. Did I buy one too many iPhones in the last 5 years? Maybe. But honestly, $30ish dollars a month for those gadgets is not going to make up for what I'm paying and what I'm about to have to pay coming up shortly. (This is me trying to see Republican side of things--they call my spending irresponsible, and I can agree to some degree however even if I cut out the things they think I shouldn't have done, it's no better! Middle class is scary, guys. Freaking scary.)

When I went to my first appointment in April (see? I put it off again) and I couldn't find my insurance card, they told me I had to find it or I would have to drop $300 before they could see me. EXCUSE ME. $300 to pee in a cup and have blood drawn, they tell me I'm pregnant. Yeah I know. You're 16 weeks. Yup, already knew that. Your due date is [date]. Figured that much, what else? Uhhhhhhhhh. Guys I found the insurance card (or rather had my husband text me a picture) so I didn't have to pay that outrageous amount of money, at least not right then and there. They are still going to get their $300 though, aren't they?! This is not a problem with the ACA or the old way of things or anything to do with insurance, is it?! Methinks there is another problem that needs addressing... can you figure out what it is? What's also not fair about this is when you show up and you DO have an insurance card, at what point do you get told how much the services will cost? Who knows the answer? WHEN YOU GET THE F-ING BILL is when. I have an issue with this. It isn't solved by the ACA, it isn't solved by the new "plan," if you can call it one, it won't be solved by just repealing the current law.

I know a lot of people pay more now than they did. I know a lot of people will go broke if they lose coverage. I know there are irresponsible people out there who are getting more than they deserve. But I also know I have benefitted from ACA, and am pretty certain I'll be screwed without it existing. I can see to some extent why Republicans don't want it, in like a very figurative way, but when applied to my ACTUAL LIFE all I can think is WHY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD WOULD YOU WANT TO UNDO SO MANY THINGS THAT ARE SO GOOD FOR SO MANY AMERICANS. I believe there are other issues to be addressed. If I didn't have to pay $300 for one appointment up front, the insurance company is still going to pay them that. Is that not why insurance costs so much? Why do they deserve $300 for one appointment like that? Related note, why did I go see a doctor 12ish years ago because my arm hurt, he had no idea why--and said as much to me, but he still gets $200? Why did I go to InstaCare 4 years ago for a rash, take 2 tests and have them say there's nothing they can do for me (at least they told me what I had, or maybe they only told me what I "probably" had) and then they still get $400? Why did I call 911 when my husband was threatening suicide 2 years ago, the police took him to the ER, they asked him a few questions and told us to get counseling, and they still get $1300? Someone needs to answer me those, and THEN tell me why I'll be out probably minimum 2 grand JUST TO HAVE A BABY, and since I don't get paid maternity leave at my job tell me what am I supposed to do without $3000 in lost income, and explain to me how this would all go down if there was no ACA, and what anyone is going to do about it.

I have NO problem paying for mandatory care for things like maternity and stuff. What I do have a problem with is that the industry can charge SO MUCH for it. And for everything. How are they getting away with that?! I understand doctors go to a lot of school and training and maybe they deserve a lot but I don't think they and the hospitals and everyone deserve enough that people have to go bankrupt to be helped. ($3 for every OTC pill they give you? It's probably more now...) Perhaps it's an ethics thing. As an American, this is where I believe the focus should be. If outrageous profits could be lessened, the costs to insurance companies would be lower, and therefore the costs to us Americans would go down. That's what people are mad about. That's what I'm mad about. The cost. I admit again, I don't know much about insurance, but isn't that at least partly true? I pay them monthly so they have a bank so they can pay most of the bills with the money I already gave them, and if that's not enough, some of the money my neighbor gave them too? And that bank would sure as heck stretch a lot farther and help more people if the bills weren't so much. This is what is wrong with our system, and this is what needs to be addressed.

In the meantime here I am, my middle class self, working every day no matter how sick I feel, if I have to go in late because of it, staying late at night away from my family, doubling up and doing any extra job I can to get more income, paying my bills as best I can, not seeing the balances go down fast enough, knowing every day that by the end of the year my entire debt will double and there is nothing I can do to stop that from happening. What does my God-fearing Christian faith do for me here? Dear GOP, it wouldn't have stopped me from getting pregnant. I mean, come on! My 2 kids are already 5 years apart without birth control! You can absolutely bet that I will be looking into it after this! I don't think I care either way if it's covered or partly covered or not covered (maybe I would care more once I know how much it COSTS) but whatever I end up paying for it will be less $, or at least more bearable than 5 grand at once or more if with no maternity coverage. Please don't call me irresponsible. Name one family in my income bracket with more kids that is not receiving some kind of assistance. I like not receiving assistance, that makes me feel pretty responsible, actually. Don't look at the numbers in regards to what you are debating currently, look at the people. And the real consequences, not just the economics. Stop making this a partisan thing and being jerks to each other on the Hill, and please stop bad-mouthing constituents who didn't vote for you because you still represent them too. I know mine is only one story but I had to share it. Whether anyone reads it or not, I got it out of my head.

Merry Unbirthday

My birthday was last week. If not for facebook, I don't know how many people would know that. For some reason, call me a grinch, but I hate it when people wish me happy birthday on facebook--I just feel like they're doing it because the FB robot told them to and it doesn't mean anything to me. As it happens, for the past 2 years I tried to organize an event for my birthday by using FB and guess how many people came . . . Excluding family, zero. I had fun at both my swimming parties and I love my family but I got all excited and then no one came. So this year I decided not to do anything for my birthday and guess what? It was still awful. Here's the thing: Growing up, I share a bday with a cousin and we nearly always were on a camping trip with all of the Gatrells at the time b/c of Pioneer day, so it was always a blast. BUT I was riding on the fun of other events, not my birthday. Anyway, I tried not to celebrate it this year but I did dress up a little and that small act had a big bad impact on my day. My skirt didn't have a pocket, so I couldn't use my phone all day, and that was the day I really needed to have had my phone with me. The day ended a wreck. I hereby take back all my past three birthdays, and heaven help me if I ever "have" another one. I will be striking it from the record of FB. May I be 23 from this day forth and forever, and if anyone actually wishes me a happy birthday on July 23 in the future, that is fine but I won't be doing anything about it for myself. No parties, no dressing up, nothing special about the day.

Beliefs

I've needed to say some things for a very long time. I finally can't get away from the feeling so I'm going to do it here. This year has been interesting as far as mormonism goes. I've had a few friends "quit" the church, and many movements have been spreading around to create "awareness" for certain issues and at times I wonder myself what is right and what is wrong. But there is a fix for that, for me at least. And that is the Book of Mormon. I haven't been reading it regularly as of late and that has been not so great for my spiritual health, but I still know it is true. That book is from God and it speaks to me. Or at least has spoken to me. And why should I forget the times it has spoken to me in the past? Those were very powerful experiences. And so when I hear "Joseph Smith did this" and "Joseph Smith lied about that" and stuff, the question should not be "Is the church he 'founded' a lie too?" Rather, I prefer to ask myself "Is the Book of Mormon still true?" Of course it is! I'm not going to be a Laman or a Lemuel and forget/disregard the spiritual experiences I have had. The Book of Mormon says itself "And if there be faults they be the faults of a man." Yes, Joseph Smith was a man. He probably had many faults. I prefer not to study them because that is not important. The important part is that The Book of Mormon came from God and Joseph Smith translated it and so he was a prophet. Just like that. Same thing in the church today. The question is not "Are the people in this church perfect?" but "Is this church directed by Jesus Christ?" I see around that there are many people with many faults. I choose to ignore them and go with what I know to be right, and that is the teachings of Jesus. Jesus would not hate another person, He would not shun somebody who has different views, He would not kick somebody out of church for not wearing best dress. Anybody who has read the Bible knows he said to "love one another" and "judge not" and "They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick." Everyone is welcome to come unto Him. Everyone is welcome to church. Everyone is welcome to be my friend (even if I am a horrible friend). I know that there are many members of the LDS church who may not fully understand these things, but that does not make me believe that it is not the Church of Jesus Christ. I believe that my church has the proper authority to administer sacred ordinances here on the earth and that I, personally, must still do my part to endure to the end, that I may find myself worthy to enter the Kingdom of God in the next life.

I realized something.

You wanna know why Mormons are so adamant about marriage being between one man and one woman? Because that's what the federal government forced down their throats when the practice of polygamy came about. Polygamy was not illegal in the United States until after the Mormons started practicing it. People who didn't like the Mormons needed a reason to get them in trouble, so they created the law that outlawed something they were already doing legally. The renouncement of polygamy followed naturally because Mormons also believe in honoring the law. That's why some Mormons get so heated up about the subject of the definition of marriage, because the government defined it in order to punish members. Maybe that's why the government is hesitating now to redefine it, because they were wrong to define it in the first place.

I've commenced!

April 20, 2012
I graduated from Weber State University today.  There are two important things to get out of that sentence: one, that I am a college graduate, and two, is less obvious, but Weber State is awesome and so therefore I am awesome for graduating from there.  What a feeling!  I may never have to write a paper again or go to classes I don't actually personally need!  I can read books and work out again!  And yet, there are some things I will miss.  Like Dr. van der Beek.  And Dr. Yang.  And Dr. Carroll and Dr. Palen and Dr. Armstrong and Dr. Johnston and everybody that is awesome.  Also dropping things off of tall buildings.  And practicing on nice Steinway pianos every day. Oh boy, I'm going to miss my departments so much.  I'll go back and visit :-).  My life existed until today.  Now, I don't really know what is next.  Everything is changing and there are so many options and plans can change any time, at this point at least.   So when anybody asks me what are my plans, I really don't know what to say.  In school, the answer was always clear--do some stuff in the summer then go back again in the fall.  Not so anymore.  I don't know where I'll be in the fall, hopefully somewhere awesome, but I will try to post here more often, especially since I don't have to worry about writing papers now!  It was overall a pretty dang good day!  Weber State graduate!

Oh, and I bought an iPad to reward myself!

New York Trip!!

So I went to the National Conference for MTNA again this year, in NYC. It was awesome. I made good friends with the people in the Steinway booth in the exhibit hall. Right, the Steinway booth--they totally brought in a guy to carve out an ornate piano case in front of everybody for the three days. AWESOME! And they had out a finished ornate piano (I forget the name of the design, Chippendale maybe) to play on, and oh, did I play on it. I kept going back too. By the end they were requesting certain of my pieces and remembered my name. One of them gave me his card in case I ever want to try and work for Steinway. Work for Steinway!! That would be super awesome!! Well, I also got to go on a tour of the Steinway factory. Super-awesome-sweetness!!! You bet I enjoyed that. They bent a piano rim in front of us and I saw the ladies assembling the action and everything was so clean but a bit loud. It IS a factory. A cool one. They all wear T-shirts that say "I build the world's best piano." Heck yes.

I got lots of free stuff and learned a few things too. Sunday evening I tried to go see Stomp but they were mean and wouldn't let me buy a ticket. So I went to go see NEWSical the Musical off-Broadway instead. 'twas fun. One of the funnier parts was when a gay couple got married and both sets of parents tried to give the bill to the other, but they just kept passing it back and forth cuz they each think their son is the groom, right? LOL. They also made fun of Arnold Scwarzenegger (the guy playing him WAS actually pretty muscular), Lady Gaga (side note: at the conference there was a piece introduced as "Lady Gaga Fugue," a fantasy on "Bad Romance" for piano duet, that was so hilarious I might actually buy it one day), Paula Deen, President Obama, Angela Lansbury (as a phone sex actress), the Italian cruise-ship captain, the republicans (Mitt Romney every few moments: I'm still here!), and so much more, including a commercial on how to escape the IRS by faking your own death. The show changes monthly.

Monday night was freezing cold (wind chill factor: 32). But, I had to go to Times Square and get those name-paint things for the grand piano practice rooms that I've been wanting to get ever since I found out the conference would be in NYC. Due to the wind, there was only 1 painter person I could find. Glad I could find one, though! She kind of tried to rip me off like last time but I didn't even have all the cash she wanted so it turned out okay. Speaking of ripping me off, the hot dog guy made me pay $2 and the pretzel guy made me pay $2, but I was sure they should each be $1. Oh well, no biggie. I tried to talk them down but I wasn't confident enough, not having paid close enough attention or asked someone who would know first.

Stories from Tuesday night to Wednesday will have to wait a few months until they are declassified. Because they are SO classified right now. My resume is going to be SO awesome!

What I've been working so hard on that I hardly had time to post anything ever

No, not the flyers! The recital, silly! But I did have a hard time choosing between the two, so I've been using both.

I DO know all the answers.

Brother: But, do you know the answer to LIFE?
Me: Oh yeah, it's 42.
B: Wow, 42, and it's the first one!
M: You googled it?
B: Yes.
M: I told you!
It was so much more awesome in person. Go, nerdiness! Also, I'm proud to know that Google does know the answer to life, the universe, and everything :-)

Physics

So I have senioritis. If I'm at school I can do my work but if I am at home, it's rough. However, the point of this post is not that. I'm writing because I am at home and should be doing my physics homework. I will but after I tell this story. I took Physics for Scientists and Engineers way back in 06-07, along with all the other physics and science majors. I did VERY well in that class. A lot of people assumed I was a physics major cuz I hung out with some to do my homework all the time but really I never was one. This still confuses people. I guess because I did so well in the class. Anyway, back in 2010 I was informed by a good friend that I only needed 8 more credits just to be a physics minor. I totally took her on. Fall 2010 after not having done much physics at all since 2007, I took Astrophysics. Totally rocked that class. 3 credits down. Spring of 2011 my schedule conflicted with Modern Physics so I put it off until this spring. After having looked into various scheduling options and being assured that it would not conflict this year. Fall of 2011 I started to freak out because I could not schedule in a physics class again. But, the department is cool and I got into a Directed Readings course for 2 credits. We read "The Physics of the Piano" and it was the most awesome book ever. 2 more credits down, 3 to go. Spring 2012: time to register for Modern Physics. What a surprise when suddenly the week before I registered, my music history class was changed from 9:30 MWF to 8:30 MWF. Not my idea of a happy day. That's exactly when Modern Physics is taught. So long story short: I go to my music class and someone records physics for me, then I listen to it and copy her notes afterwards. So far, I haven't had any help on any of the assignments and I'm doing GREAT! Last week I had to stare at one problem for a while three different times before I whipped up some awesome trigonometry-ness to tell it who was boss. And today actually, I thought I needed help on a problem, but it wasn't to be found, so I worked on the problem for 10 or 15 more minutes and got the answer by myself! I haven't done much hard-core algebra, calculus, or trigonometry for a long time. But I can still do it.

I was made to be a physics minor.

My First Opera

I went to the Opera for the first time last night. I never went before because I knew I wouldn't appreciate it, but lately that has changed. I've taken music history classes before, so I wasn't that keen on taking it AGAIN because the history for music minors and the history for music majors are "different." I'm still not that thrilled about it, but my teacher is pretty awesome and honestly I have learned some stuff I didn't already know. Like how to appreciate opera.

So, it was back in the time of Shakespeare, when people went to see plays a lot. Plays could be comedies or tragedies, and were performed in verse (i.e. iambic pentameter). Songs were/are also in verse. There was this group of guys in Italy who decided to try an experiment and write a play that would be entirely sung. Not that weird, really. They tried it, and it was cool. So they did it again. And it caught on. And the costumes, the scenery, the drama, it's all supposed to be overdone. It's a show. I get it, I can appreciate it now for what it is. Even the recitative parts, I knew that that was more dialogue-ish parts but the way he taught us was that he handed us each the first three lines of the Gettysburg address and made us notate the rhythm of the speech. I so GET it now. Then I figured I should go to the Opera because I would be able to appreciate it. And I did. And I will again.

2 Lists

List of things that are good:

my husband
music by Franz Liszt
computers
internet
eBay and Amazon
my pink pen
graduating
Filipinos
summer
techno-cello
Steinways
the Physics department


Un-named list of things that did not make it onto the first list:

Drivers License Division
Zions Bank
my hair
Science Saturday
piano lessons on Wednesday

The 1st of December

So, the first of December was the second-to-last day of class. I had a 7:30 class that day. When I was headed out the door at 7:15 (yeah, I know...) my mom says, "are you sure you want to go outside?" And I'm thinking like, of course, I have to go to school... She tried to talk me into taking the nice car but I didn't. Apparently much of I-15 was closed because of semis blowing over. Once I started driving I did realize it was quite windy. Up on the highway there was stuff blowing around like branches and trash, and I saw shingles flying off buildings. On the other highway I hit a branch but it wasn't bad. Getting to the building from the car was fun, being as light as I am. The door was really hard to open.

I was late and had somehow left my notebook at home so I didn't actually go to class. I went out the 2nd exit (even harder to open) and to the next building. It was really loud there with the wind blowing around, you could hear it. The guys I needed to see there didn't show up so I went back to the other building through the 3rd door. When I walked back through to where the 2nd door is, some people told me how the wind just blew it shut and all the glass shattered and it was an amazing mess! I was too scared to go look at it. As more people began arriving at school, the stories got more intense. They saw trees blowing over, debris smashing car windows and cars, fast-food signs exploding, power lines coming down, etc, I was sure glad I got to school early even though I didn't go to class!

The glass ceiling in another building was getting stuff on top of it and breaking it somewhat and the college sent everyone text messages to not leave the buildings they were in around 9:15. My 9:30 class was supposed to take the final exam. We tried contacting the professor to convince him that that shouldn't be necessary anymore but to no avail. We went to class, and had our exam, but the north wall is 80% glass and it was loud and scary and distracting. At around 11 the university texted everyone again to say that classes were cancelled until the afternoon, and to stay inside until it was safe. Not a problem for me, I had a lot to do.

I finally left around 4 and had to go to a copy place, but the standard one(s) I would have gone to (and everywhere else on or around Harrison Boulevard was closed for damage/power problems, so I had to go to this other place and they made me do it all myself which wasn't cool but it got done since Dec. 1 was the deadline. The trees by the parking lot had fallen down and crews were already cutting them up. Stop lights had blown off their poles and gotten lost. Many places between Ogden and Layton had lost power and places further south where the wind had actually been worse. Many homes (especially ones close to the mountains) lost shingles, fences, and trees.

I just figured it was December saying "Hello." So, I said "Hello" back, with the quip, "We love you too!" Sarcasm! Roofs are still shingle-less in places and many fences are still down. But we are all okay and that shouldn't happen for another 50 years or so. There's your story :-) Sorry I take so long sometimes!

Sorry

I have to rant again. I hate it when I send emails and texts to so many people and then they don't reply. People on the cool list right now:
Chelsea
Heather
Dr. C.
Sylves
parentals
Charla
That means all the rest of the people I have emailed and texted in the last 2 days either hate me or don't care about what I do. And that hurts. It really hurts. I know I shouldn't let it get to my self esteem but when it is such a common occurrence (trust me, it is) it makes me wonder, you know? I sometimes try to blame it on my phone... but that only helps so much, when I still get contact from other people using the same device.

Now let me try to balance out my attitude.... I can be happy because:
I don't have to get up early anymore
I'm going to CA next week
I have internet!!
I have a cute haircut
I got asked to do something on the organ for Sunday
I get to play with post-it notes now... no, really, that's what I'm going to do right now, and get at least one paper over with!

Hello December, we love you too

Fun story coming soon...

Small rant

Have I mentioned before how much I dislike flakey people? Yup, I still do. An example: person receives an assignment for a group project. Person leads me on to believe she will do said assignment on time. Deadline for said assignment getting super close, still not done. Me and some others are working on a different assignment for said project, up until 11:45 doing so. Other member of group asks if the other assignment was done yet. I say I don't think so. Other member offers to do it. Other member stays up even later doing it. Next day we find out, first member decided to go to bed when she got home from work.

Related example: Group member volunteers to do a certain assignment (for the same group project), a month and a half before it's due. Never hear from him about it again. Week before due-date: assignment reassigned to the same person. 2 days before due date: group meeting held, said member did not attend. Other member volunteers to do it. Later that night, first member says he did it and will email it. Next day: email received from second member, none from first member.

I think the moral of those stories is to do your group assignments when you have them. Or at least tell someone in your group what's really going on. if you think I'm talking about you, I still like you as a person but it really hurt that you didn't follow through. I am grateful that there are some really awesome people that stepped up to help get our project done. To those people, I am so glad to know you. Thank you for being extra responsible.

Ode To Distraction

So, here I am, yet again, unable to work on my papers but perfectly capable of using the internet. Blah. I want to do it this time, I do, but I'm just a bit distracted by the events of a few nights ago and ensuing dialogues. It's all I can think about. It's all anyone can talk about. And it's distracting. Let me elaborate.

First, imagine Ode to Joy. Now imagine a loud moaning/crying sound interjecting every 5 seconds. Annoying, right? Right. So now I'll tell you what happened. Last Sunday was an orchestra concert at WSU. We played Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 (I got to play the triangle!). It's a pretty big deal in case you don't know--only thing on the program cuz it lasts over an hour. 75 person orchestra, 100 person chorus, 4 soloists, and the audience was full (1200 people) and of course it was to be recorded. Here's the scene as I experienced it from the back of the stage: the conductor was about to begin the final movement (literally he was already swinging the baton) and there comes a cry from the audience. He stops, puts down the baton, a little angrily, and turns around and says "Bye," obviously indicating that the offending child be removed. No one leaves. He waits for a while, turns back around, waits for a while, mutters stuff that only the 1st chair players can hear, and after realizing that they aren't going to leave he begins the movement really.

After a few minutes the cry was heard again. All of us on stage heard it, were annoyed, but kept going. Then it came again. Annoyed, yes. And again. A few times. These were about 5-10 seconds apart. Once the music settled into the Ode To Joy theme for the first time--it's a lovely delicate place--the cry was heard again and the conductor cut off the music, slammed down his baton again, and turned around to the audience. He said something about children not being allowed and that he was sorry but they shouldn't have been admitted. No one moved again but I was told later that another professor out in the audience approached the source of the noise. Someone yelled "they're handicapped" and then the audience was all disturbed. They either finally left or were escorted out but some other people talked back and left too. Conductor says we will begin the 4th movement again and we do, but the players are a bit flustered and mess up a difficult part so we start it one more time. Then we get to finish up the whole thing, I get to play my triangle part, and it was amazing and fun. I had put the incident out of my mind, it was more important that I had just been a part of the real and entire Ode to Joy by Ludwig van Beethoven!

So that was the events. It's all anyone can talk about at school. I wrote the conductor a thank you email for letting me be a part of Beethoven's 9th. Now, I just found out today that a news article about it had been posted on a reputable news website. I read it and was utterly shocked to see it was a one-sided piece about how one person was offended that they would throw out a mentally handicapped person. Then the more-than-100 comments on the story. Most were completely uninformed. I've gotten more facts bit by bit from multiple first-hand sources, and the people associated with the disruptive audience member had been told to leave multiple times before the conductor did it himself.

So why did the conductor "cause a scene?" It is not his arrogance, nor insensitivity to the handicapped, nor pride, nor attentiveness to etiquette, nor anything else related to him. It is clearly the guardian of the handicapped individual. If you have been asked to leave for being disruptive, and you don't, it is extremely rude. You don't get a pass just because of a handicap. You are not exempt from concert etiquette, and to that guardian, what kind of example does that set to other children when you don't do as directed, and then talk back? That disgusts me. I don't hate handicapped people, but a handicap is not a free pass to be disruptive at a concert, ESPECIALLY after someone has asked you to leave.

I don't think I conveyed why I am so distracted. It's partly my disgust at the news for reporting in such a way as to make people think less of my school which is the best in the world at some things. Partly my disgust with society for arguing about whether or not it is appropriate to ask someone to leave a classical concert when they are being disruptive because of a handicap. Partly my worry about how far people will go to get back at the conductor because they disagree with him about having a quiet audience while recording Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Some of the other students started organizing other ways to show our appreciation to the conductor which I heartily joined. But there's not much else I can do, so why can't I freakin' concentrate and write my papers?

How does this work...

I can help others with their homework but can't do my own.

I can do extra assignments but not the original ones.

What's my freakin' problem?!

The 2 things that I do

I like Science. I like Music. This was a god weekend for both.

Friday I went to one music class but most of the day I was preparing for and helping out at the Physics Open House. Which was super fun! As usual! I got to make about 9 batches of different kinds of play-dough, then they fed us pizza, then I got a free t-shirt (with a frictionless student on it--not to be confused with a spherical student lol), and got to spend many hours playing with helium balloons making mini-HARBOR models :-). We also had a flying shark, which we used to rescue some escaped helium balloons, then the inevitable happened: we re-enacted an XKCD comic:



It was so good. The only downside to this was that I was occupied until 9:30pm and so we couldn't go to the homecoming dance :-(

More especially since I had to get up before 5:30 the next day. Saturday was the UMTA conference which started out with a chapter presidents meeting at 7am. Booooo. Oh well. I had plenty of time to write my speech and find everyone else before we presented our chapter thing at 10:50. It was awesome just like the last time, we played Bach and the dance professor showed the dances after the history professor gave the history and then we had the art and we all had fun. Then lunch. Then Zoe competed in the Young Artists competition. Then Fan-Ya played in a masterclass. She played a movement from Gargoyles, and this was after another guy played part of the Liszt sonata, so the masterclass teacher was just going off about hell and demons and witches the whole time and it was scary but enlightening and awesome actually, hehehehe. Then Nic competed in the competition as well. I only got to hear him through the door. Then there was a recital and Jared and CJ played. Then CJ and Eliza freaked out together on chopsticks on one of the demo pianos. Then Byron competed. He made everyone cry he was so good. He ended up getting an Honorable Mention. I can't imagine how the other winners must have been because I thought Byron did so freakin' well. Whatever.

Saturday night we slept REALLY well. Two long days of all physics and all music will put you out apparently. Wait, that's all I do every day . . . no wonder my list of things to do never gets any shorter. And here I am writing a blog. That's okay!

Forgive me

So, I know I haven't been writing much. And guess what, that probably won't change anytime soon. That's what happens when you are taking 2 years of history classes at the same time, 2 years of internship at the same time, and have 2 courses of study, and 2 jobs! I can hear the words of a friend: "don't be a hero..." but you all know I can't help it. This is my last year anyway.